so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
