Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
