i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
