You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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