i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
