would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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