if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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