he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
