No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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