I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
