...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
