I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pants are for mortals
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
