we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
