I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
