angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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