ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
