I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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