halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
