Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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