im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
