***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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