Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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