Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
