I am puke
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
