You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
