He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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