Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
