you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
