Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
