Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
