It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
