You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
