He is such a slut. More and more my type.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
