I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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