Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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