summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
