It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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