I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
