i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
