Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
