So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
