Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
