I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
