Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
