remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
