her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
