margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
