we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
