Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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