Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
