anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
