Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
