It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
